I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
