I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
