Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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