i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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