I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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