hell yes lets make some ravioli
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
