I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
