The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
