I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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