Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
