kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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