umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
why is half of my head shaved?
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