I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
