I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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