She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
