I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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