She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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