Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
