Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
