I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
