if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
