my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
