he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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