he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
