So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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