his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
