so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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