I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
