my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
did i just pee glitter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
