I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
