I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
