New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
