Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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