just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
