My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
