def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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