I wish I could punch you in the face.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.