is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
