when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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