She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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