watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
