if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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