I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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