OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
