Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
