you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Less talking, more tequila
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
