sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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