I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
