hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
