my phone needs a breathalizer
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
