how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
