so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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