I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
