Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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