Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
