I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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