I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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