I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
