apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
