the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
