She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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