I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
