Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So squirting runs in the family.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
