Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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