My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
