I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
