my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
