Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.