she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes