tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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