I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
