my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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