oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
