Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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