in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He passed out mid-signature
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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