I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
